What hapened to us

That was d qns he asked. N dat was a qns I duno Hw to answer. So many factors so many reasons, what's real n what's right? The lines r blurred n I can't tell.

But I do know that I no longer feel desired or desirable. I no longer feel that I am an individual to him. When was d last time he asked how my day was? When did he see me for who I m, n not as pp's mom? When he come back from sch, he don't ask how was my day at work. He asks any pics of pp, or how was he today. As the times goes by, I'm no longer part of his qns.

We don't chat over dinner becuz we don't have dinner tog. Even on the rare occasions we do, it's in front of the tv. That why I have always hated tv dinners, or renting of tv dramas to watch.

He said that it's been a mth since d last time. And that d last few times were initiated by him. Of cuz I was interested. Of cuz I have my needs n wants. But if one don't feel desirable enough, confident enuff, would one wana make d first move? I feel fat n flabby n small n pimply. Would u feel sme1 would desire u if u feel dat abt urself? I duno how to initiate n hint my needs too. What do I do to make him desire? M I suppose to bat my eyes at him or flash him? But to go round, how to bat when I feel it'll draw his attention to my pimples? How to flash when my fats r nt at d correct place?

Of course I find that things r not d same btw us. Of course I miss the closeness. But we've been drifting n both duno how to close d gap.

It's definitely not just his fault. It's not Juz dat he looking at me but not seeing me that made us drift. I'm at fault too. I'm too engross w d kid n recently KAW.

However, KAW does give us a common topic which I like. It's 'friends' that we share. He can ask mi how much I have in bank now. We can trade allies. I may b too caught into d chats, but it was d chats that remind me of Jessie Lim Qi Min, n not Caleb's mom.

I admit that I din do enuff to keep the fire burning. I m scared that we are walking on d road of no return. That our paths will not b parallel again. But I need ur help too. I need u to see me, to ask about mi, to make me feel desirable. That I'm not Juz ur kid's mom.

You say that I dun hold ur hand, but do u hold mine? You say that we r not close anymore, but you sit far fr mi too.

I asked, I held ur hand yesterday, I held on to you yest. I've been kissing u more d past few days. Yet I dun feel anything fr u.

R we too far away already?

Opposite Directions

Are we moving in different directions? I didn't realize that you will not always stand still n be there when I want you. I didn't realize that you may be tired of standing still n move away.

Will you make a round n be back? Or will you continue in other direction, n leave mi here waiting? Have we moved too far apart to find each other again? It felt strange instead of comfort hugging u. Have we really grown so far apart?

I didn't believe you when u commented previously. It's only when I return that I felt your absence. I'm feeling the emptiness; I'm feeling the lack of warmth.

Please come back. It's my turn to wait for u, n I will.

Weekend Pics and A Date!

I've been slacking at blogging, and busy with work. I also became addicted to KAW, which contributed largely to the lack of picture collages recently.

Here are some of the pictures from the past 2 weeks:

Old School Fun - bubbles and household chores

 - 30 Nov 2011

Christmas celebration with the girls - 10 Dec 2011

Caleb chatting with neighbour Lincoln

Caleb's First Wedding Lunch - 17 Dec 2011

Christmas Eve 2011

Ignored by kitty on Christmas Day

New straw milk bottle - slowing weaning Caleb off his milk bottle (26 Dec 2011)

Merry Christmas everyone!

We left the kid @ home, and went for a date! 27 Dec 2011

Busy busy year end

So busy with work that I have not been updating the blog. Caleb is fine already n back to his old n cheerful self (maybe a little more crappy, LOL).

I have also been busy playing Kingdoms at War on the phone. Previously I've always wonder what is all the fuss about. It was until I opened Bi's alternate account on my phone to earn some gold, that I finally joined the KAW addicts. LOL.

It's the eve of Christmas eve, and I'll just like to wish all a Merry Christmas n a wonderful new year. I'll update the blog with pictures soon. Hopefully next week will be a quiet week at work.

Stomach Flu

It's really hard to see Caleb sick. This time he was listless, tired n not his usual bubbly self.

I got the call that he vomited a couple of times when I was at work on Monday. By the time I got home in the evening, he has vomited 6 times. Bi got home already n I met them to bring pipi see a doctor.

He diagnosed that pipi got stomach flu n inserted meds into his butt. At night, pipi got loose stools n we had to change him n the bedsheets. Sadly, his beloved toy dog n pillow got affected too. We couldn't give him his stuff n had to find substitute. He vomited in the night n we had to change him again.

Usually when we change him, he will b moving around n we had to keep him entertained to finish. But these times, he just lie there. Once, he laid on his side n hug bi, sort of like reassuring us. Brought tears to our eyes.

Yesterday there was still loose n watery stools, esp after we inserted the meds agn. A couple of vomits n refusal to eat. He only wanted to drink milk. It was only until dinner time that he was eager to eat a bit. I made plain porridge with steamed egg. He ate about 1 soup spoon of porridge n 3/4 of the egg.

Hopefully he's on the way to recovery.

Caleb's Daily Schedule

I thought to jot these down for future reference, before I forget anymore. It seems that people tend to forget lots. Especially with all the newness of being a new parent, each day is taken as it comes, and put behind us when it's over.

I am very glad and appreciative of pipi's easy going nature, accepting changes and implementations readily. Not all children are like him. He makes us look good at parenting.

As of now, his schedule is as below, and has been for at least 2 months (see how easy it is to forget things?):

• pipi wakes up between 6am - 7am
• breakfast between 7.30am - 8am
• bath between 8.30am - 9.30am
• morning tea break of milk
• nap between 9.30am - 11.30am
• lunch starts between 11.45am - 12.15pm
• afternoon tea break of milk and snacks such as fruit/cheese/yogurt/toddler snacks, around 2pm - 2.30pm
• nap between 2.30pm - 4.30pm
• Dinner around 5pm plus
• Night routine start around 7.30pm, milk at around 8pm.
• Lights out around 8.15pm - 8.30pm

In the past before this, I just gave him water before his morning nap, as he was still supplementing his dinner with milk. After he increased his food intake, we removed the dinner milk and added a morning tea.

Now, I'm thinking of reducing his milk intake, to allow him more stomach room for solids. He's taking about 650ml of milk still, and research has indicated that 1 year old kids should drink about 350ml - 450ml of milk daily, and to supplement that with dairy products such as cheese, yogurt or milk shakes for calcium intake.

Our Weekend Pictures (19 - 20 Nov)

Weekend has flown by and it's back to work after a week of SAHM. Now that it's over, I actually don't mind doing it again.

Funny habit that Caleb has recently

We went for Qiwei and Lifang's (my secondary school friends) baby shower on Sunday. It's amazing to see how tiny a one month old baby is, and to have witnessed the growth of a tiny baby to a blabbering and walking tot. We really should marvel at the speed of their growth. When I look at Lifang's baby, I kind of miss the times where Caleb just sits there and smile at you, or wiggle his toes and pump his fists. I miss that rocking bed of his. But if he stays that way, I won't get my hugs and laughter from his antics.